The Caregiver, Marie Aylesworth

Stroke respects no one. It does not care who you are, your status in the world, your fame or how rich or how poor you are. It comes like a thief in the night.

My husband Sam had a stroke. It came out of the blue with no warning and changed our lives forever. Sam could not talk, walk, lift his arm or use his hand. The doctors told me his stroke was a major one but they could not tell me much more. They could not tell me what I most wanted to hear: that Sam would recover completely and our life would be the same as it was before.

My journey began then as the stroke survivor caretaker. I became the financial planner, the human resource director, the advocate for medical and disability benefits, the chauffer, the social worker, the minister to the family, speech therapist, occupational therapist, physical therapist. Not to mention chief cook and bottle washer and the jack of all trades not knowing much about many.

I wondered with all these new responsibilities how I was going to get everything done and still work a full-time job. But the biggest issue I faced was I knew nothing about the long-term, lifetime effects of a stroke. I had no idea that my husband would have lifetime limitations and that things would never be quite the same in our life again. I was sure of one thing: Sam was going to get better. So my daily prayers were, "God impart to me your wisdom. Lead me in the direction that will be most beneficial to Sam."

During those early ays, I wished I would have had someone to talk to, someone who had walked in my shoes to give me comfort and encouragement. Of course, my family never knew how I was feeling because I had to be strong, positive, upbeat and focused so my family could maintain their hope. But with everything I had to do and everything that was going on, I had hope, too. Sam was so determined. That determination helped me get through the tough days and soon the tough times did not seem so tough. But the challenges of each new day brought something new and different into our lives.

Sam and I gave each other hope and encouragement. Sam has aphasia and in the early days after his stroke, communication was very difficult. It is still a challenge for him to communicate. Sometimes he sounded like he was speaking in a different language, and we often would look at each other and just burst out in laughter wondering where those words came from. Yes, there were many sad days, but we never gave up, and we always looked for the silver lining in the cloud and laughed at ourselves a lot.

Being a caretaker is a difficult job and an awesome responsibility. It is so important for caretakers to connect with each other to combat the loneliness, the grief, the sense of loss, and to uplift one another and remind each other that life is still good. And when the hopes and dreams once had are not realistic after a stroke, we make new goals, and we dream new dreams.

I leave stroke patients and their caregivers with these thoughts.

When you believe you are crushed, you are.
When you defy not the odds, you lose.
When you claim not the victory, you fail
When you settle for one goal, you grow stagnant.

But when you learn from the struggles of life, you resolve.
When you choose success, you soar.
When you believe in yourself, you gain confidence
When you toil unceasingly, you achieve
When you press on, you are enriched.
When you fall and start over again, you win.

When you do all this, you shall gain life's prize.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!!!